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The Plan
Where am I now?
Good question, and one I am sitting here for a good ten minutes now not to answer. It is a matter of great embarrassment to me, and I ignore the worst of my health receives. And was done. But its time I really admit, if I continue the road I traveled my body will be broken beyond repair. His will already be difficult to fix, and will take a long time.
So what are the problems? I eat too much, and what I eat is not good enough for me. I do not eat often, when I usually make her one meal a day. If its not bad food for me that I bought to eat at work. This means that my metabolism is completely out of Whack I would not be surprised if not completely failed. I used to have such a high metabolism, too. It also means that I’m overweight.
Although this is also due to the fact that I do not get enough exercise. "I use my breasts as an excuse not to do business, and in a sense, it’s just enough. I can not do certain things myself without causing embarrassment and physical pain when they blobble anywhere in the world. But I need to exercise.
This is not just my diet and fitness that must change if its outlook on my life needs, and alteration. You can affect change in your life without some sort of positive change in how you view the world. This will be the most difficult, I think.
Where can I go?
I want to wake up in the morning and not feel as if I was dragged through a kitty litter tray full of "business". I want to finish my day without feeling exhausted and in pain. I’m tired of the pain I seem to feel constantly, I’m tired of feeling sick and all the headaches. I want to have a more positive image of life, and I want to eat better.
How will I get there?
It’s not as easy as responding to previous questions. I know an easy way to do what I want to do to improve my body. I also want to know that this is one of the things that behind me achieve what I want. Really, if I did everything what I "planned" to be done in the past few years I would be in much better shape than I am now. This means that it will be some time before visible changes are obvious.
But, come on.
1. Search a healthy diet.
Not necessarily take up a diet without fat, suddenly dumping or myself in terms of weight loss. Heaven’s no. I know that the work will not be for me. I think I’m closer to what the plan should I have that I think I just need to perform better.
2. Look in a physical activity that I can do.
The criteria are as follows. Low impact, not require me to have jiggly-Boob syndrome, will improve my sense of well-being, endurance and flexibility, need not be a solo sport but it would be preferable, or the very least have fewer people around.
3. Have a more postive outlook on life.
This will be the hardest thing, I think. The changing sound of my mind and how I look at things and how does one really go about doing that? For now I will try myself to catch every time I feel negative, work to do and why what I can to change that negative into a positive thought.
Sigh
For the last three days, I was missing. Not the type. He-who-will-not-be-named. I miss him. I want him to touch me. I want to hear talk about anything and everything. It’s always good to ‘talk. Of course, he could never talk about important things like monogamy.
Some reason, my brain has conveniently forgotten the fact that I screwed over twice. My heart never forgets it. He likes to recall that my head left. Then, at the same time my intellect and emotions come together and create the most glorious dreams. Laughing together. Watching movies together. Talking together. Its good times. His good sex. My dreams have created a world where he really wants me and nobody else.
Then turn your eyes open and I realize my bed contains only me and two hours ago, until I get up for work. I remember the last hug he gave me and look stupid hope that I must have had on my face he would be back the following week. Despite the pain he has caused pain and I will continue to feel because of its actions, I miss him.
Pondering and Sealife
Although this might seem cynical horrific from the end of it, I’m rather happy about the whole thing.
There are some deep under the sea places that do not need anything from above. In essence, this means that if humanity will completely erase the entire planet will probably continue living in a certain way.
Personally, I think we are much more likely to devastate most of the planet and ourselves off slowly than destroy the place.
And it is curiously comforting.
Although I did not want to die, it seems like we are heading this way more often. Consider the end of the world we want to see on everyone.
Why do we want to put an end to all this?
I apologize, I usually go in this rant here.
But the point remains. I’m not terribly confident that we will last as long as may be possible (ie before the quality of life atmosphere of our planet is destroyed).
Yet, I find wonderfully exciting with the idea that life will most likely continue.
Should we be concerned about the survival of our species? Certainly.
But when important than ever?
Perhaps the crab and mussels will be more peaceful.
The Jets Haven’t Been Stopped
With Christmas approach, one can not help but take in the many wonders of the season. Houses that put up these tacky giant inflatable Santa Claus to know that at some point on Christmas Eve you can find "Its a Wonderful Life" somewhere on his TV … every freakin ‘fantastic. With the holidays, we get the majesty of the miracle of Christmas …
If you have not been trapped in a cave over the weekend with your hands covering the eyes and fingers to plug your ears, you would have seen the Bills-Jets game. The Jets were clearly cooked, but Bills coach Dick Jauron is one of the worst calls in the history of the play calling, a play-action pass pirate when all he had to do Was to keep management of football. If you saw the same Marshawn Lynch as I did, there was no way the Jets have been stopped.
Next thing you know, the ball is on the ground and Shaun Ellis is rumbling in the end zone, giving the Jets a victory 31-27. The last 126 seconds of the third party overshadowed the poor performance put on the left and the Jets Brett Favre wheezing as we approach the end of the season. Now I really Favre, it is the only reason why I held the Jets. I’m not a Die Hard or even a true fan of the NFL, I think what Favre has done and continues to do is admirable. To be a former athlete and see a 39-year, Favre keep doing what he does now and ensure the jets fans expect us to the playoffs "well thats a real competitor, it will not be without a fight Won ‘t go quietly into the night (Bill Pullman – Independence Day) Favre will be a Pro Bowl selection at the end of the season but it will take all the experience he and an eye strong and courageous part in his team past the finish line.
The Jets still have 2 games and can still win the division Favre … Can he do?
Rambling…
Some friends and I just had a conversation about this sort of thing. Sometimes (often) when I’m in a car and there are fences along the coast, I feel the need to "jump" on the fence. What this means is that I lift my toes (inside my shoes) whenever it comes. It is difficult as the speed increases and I stop. I am not quite so OCD that I have to do, but it is quite often. Also, if I walk and there are shadows, is uneven (such as trees), I will try to use as little islands on foot (almost as black tiles in this case). I think the latter is that I will really try not to not walk on cracks.
Thus, it is clear that not enough of me, anyone else?
By the way, it seems that this blog is really just become another "blog filter" of the other articles guess … I do not have much to say all that much. Will try to resolve this problem. But we hope they are at least interesting.
Problem Solved
Thus, the second party to a very learned, too dramatic story that is a good friend to me directly on my kindergarten dilemma. In a very detailed, in paragraph e-mail, it reminded me all the reasons why the private school was not good for my son. She spoke of more teachers at his preschool, who told me that this was not the right choice. It reminded me of the main private school who do not think it is perfect. And, not to be underestimated, she spoke of a myriad of reasons why it has not the right fit for more fartsy artistic movement me. "The lists of lists … … many lists and rules," she says. Indeed, I would go mad. I like order, but within reasonable limits.
It is difficult to know, and I told him so. Whose return would not go up when their maternal instinct led hormone is contradicted madness? And yet, as good friends do, it helped me to see that this is not my opinion, it was inconsistent, but this is my emotional point of view of sending my firstborn in the world .
I will always be grateful to Lisa. After tell him my feelings were slightly injured, although I know his intentions were good, it must be ten times apologized. And it does not need. She was honest with me if I was back honest: I felt very vulnerable and sometimes the truth, in English, sucks. But you know what? I am grateful beyond, she told me straight. (This is my husband. It is officially in love with it now.) Ultimately, I Stink from school, regardless of his letter, because I am the mother and not as easily influenced. But I know I will not. Because when I installed (I happened to get my period at night – a bit of a connection to my collapse, ya think?) I knew in my gut, Stink was in the best place for him – not not private schools. It has nothing to do with his intelligence – in exceptional circumstances, it is clear – it is simply that it is more of a free spirit and prosper in an atmosphere of creativity. As his mother, I will, too. I am sure I could not ask for a better place for him.
Not So Brief Update
Sorry guys. I fully expected the blog on Friday and perhaps once during the weekend. You can blame my sister. Beka came to town for a visit and I did not get anything done. I did not really out of my last post depressing for so long. However, it is late and I just finished filling 70ish Christmas cards, then I’ll make this quick. Here are some things to chance my weekend.
* Beka arrived Friday evening and I was very tired. I went to bed early, even if not in town until 9pm. I think we both talked about a night (or morning) about 3 hours.
* Saturday morning we went to a birthday party for my cousin’s young son, Owen. It was his first birthday and it was really sweet. Shiloh had fun and I think we got some cute pictures. (Beka took and I have not watched yet.) It was a game and really nice and quiet. I do not know why I do not do that for parts of Shiloh. I’m not the kind hostess.
* After the game Beka went to a friend Marriage and Shiloh, and I went home for a nap. I thought about going to marriage, but I did not have a baby-sitter and I knew I would like to see a lot of old friends and I instantly wanted to be 20 pounds thinner. (I know this is silly, but I’m serious. If I had lost more weight now, I would have probably disappeared.) I am sorry not to go because Beka saw several people I didn ‘ ‘ve not seen in years. But there was too Shiloh. Beka said other people have children, but Shiloh was crazy without a nap.
* I had a sitter Saturday night and Beka, Tiffany, and I went to a movie. Unfortunately I can not remember the name of the film. Something about Christmas. He Debra Messing (I think that’s his name) in it. It was cute. Tiffany said she thought we should go skating. This would have been more fun than a movie – just something different – but we had to go to Nashville and I had to Shiloh by 11pm. I felt bad because I Pooper the game, but there is not much I could do about it. Beka has not yet children and Tiffany was the son of the house with her husband. I was the only one who had a baby-sitter. We have always had a good time though.
* At the time we returned home to Tiffany to take our cars, it was already 11pm and I had to rush to get Shiloh. Beka and Tiffany were talking and having a good time to Beka decided to stay with Tiffany for a while. It was not their fault, and this is not the baby-sitter is the fault (it is impressive even for a baby-sitter), but I felt sad to see that all I had to leave then they had their daughter speak. He just feel alone, even if I had just finished a pleasure to the girl the night. I wanted to return to Shiloh and Tiffany’s, but it’s not just Shiloh. So I went home. I think Beka remained at Tiffany’s up about 3 hours.
* Oh, and we were originally supposed to go to a predator hockey Saturday night, but we were unable to obtain tickets as we expected and we could not afford. And Tiffany is not a fan of hockey. (I can not believe I’m still friends with her … It’s a good thing she has fun hanging out with. Haha.)
* I saw seven stars shooting Saturday night. Seriously! And I was not outside the search for them or anything. I saw most of them while I was driving home and a couple when I was walking from the car at home. I began to wonder if the sky was falling or something. I have not seen a shooting star for years. It was crazy to see seven of them. I wanted to look online and see if there was a meteor or something, but I forgot. Oh, and it is also cool to see them now than it was when I was a child.
Our church had the child’s Christmas play on Sunday morning. I thought it went well. Much better than practice on Wednesday evening. (I was afraid. I believe that all adults who contributed were afraid. Children do not know all their lines a week ago.) I just wanted to help, I did not play or what whatever, but I was really proud of our children. They drive me crazy sometimes, but they are so cute on the scene.
* Shiloh has to Mary at the end of the room and sit in the barn with a baby doll. I was really afraid that she would do something crazy or refuse to go on stage at all, but sat there better than some of the older children. She undressed the Child Jesus, because she said it was changing its layer, but at least the play was over at that time. (She was still on the scene if.) I’ll show some photos of Shiloh, the first play about Wordful Wednesday.
* I was going to take Shiloh to see Santa at the gallery next weekend. I made plans to go with two of my cousins and their children. That will not happen. Shiloh is terrified of Santa. Since I’ve never seen that her fear throughout his life. One adolescent boys was dressed as Father Christmas to church on Sunday. Shiloh came and said she wanted to see Santa (she likes on TV). Beka transported him, and when they were near Shiloh started screaming hysterically. Beka quickly took her back to me, but I could not even calm. She was trying to climb my shoulder (and Santa was out of sight). I took her to another room and she was still crying and shouting, "I do not Father Christmas. I do not Father Christmas." More and more. A little friend of his dad offered to take her, and surprisingly, she visited him. (Only surprising because she was so angry.) It was able to calm down, but I had to watch Santa and make sure it did not see him again. Even after his nap, she wakes up she still does not like Santa Claus. Then she told me that Santa is trying to disguise as God. I have no idea what that means, but it made me laugh because it was so serious about this. Today (Monday), she still randomly Father Christmas and it’s not like him. I was so happy she did not have nightmares last night because she was so afraid of him. I do not blame her, I always thought it was a little creepy myself …
* Oh, and few people at a church that did not hear bloodcurdling screams of Shiloh came up to her, after she was calm, and asked him if Santa was coming to his house on Christmas Eve. It has a terrified look and began a small new song, "I’m not like Father Christmas. I do not like Santa."
That was about all we have this weekend. I did not sleep much since Beka was in town, but we had fun. The work is going well so far this week. I hope this will be much better than last week. I decided to take a vacation day on Thursday, because let’s face it, I do not get a real vacation at any time during the next decade or two, and I want to clean and s organize and wrap gifts and finish my shopping before Christmas. So who will be much easier to do with Shiloh at the center.
I started several posts, and I try to write some weeks before Christmas. My sister and brother-in-law will be in town for most of the week, and if I am not ready to certain positions, I’m afraid I will not at all post next week. But I have so many subjects that I want to write about, if only I could find, or do the time. I hope everyone had a wonderful weekend and I’ll catch up on your blogs.
I Will Get Around To It Eventually
Guess what! I have not received the photos displayed at this time. And I will not tonight either! So Sue Me. " I do warn you, after all.
Thing is, while taking photos is easy enough with the dig cam, taking it on the computer is a little more difficult.
I must take the card from the device and put it into Mike computer, download the photos, then come here to my computer and transfer them from computer to computer. Then and only then do I crop, reduced turnover, etc., and then post them on here.
IIT is something that only happens when Mike is at work and I remember going to. What happens is usually that one or the other qualifications is … but not both.
Will I put the photos tomorrow? Maybe.
Here is the thing … I am trying desperately to get the house completely picked up (and as fully as possible with 2 pre-teens, 2 kittens, and 1 husband … lol) and get the laundry and dishes made (again with the "Possible" online). This means that I will most probably be running around the house like a rusty tin woman seeking a Oilcan. I is cracking around as fast as I can, but probably not really achieve much.
I say this because it seems that I can get a fair amount done someday, but not until two days later. Since I managed to get about 6 loads of laundry done, the mail several auctions in the mail, fax some documents to my doctor’s office, cooked dinner, a child picked up at the beginning of school, back Quick store to clear soda and packing tape, the second child not resumed, beginning of school, second layer Bistro painted white with the small mirror I found at resale shop a few weeks ago , A bill paid online, and coatrack mirror hung in the hall, over the living room taken over, and most of the dining table with only permitted to take 2 doses of Tylenol (no pain MEDS) today …
Yes, the chances are good tomorrow to see me play from Rustola. = /
I made a lot of thinking about what I want to do with this blog during the next year. I was blogging (without a hearing, except myself, but that’s OK) for almost a year now, with really no sense whatsover. In all, as I was loose, so spontaneous blogs. I’m not sure I want to never have any direction for this thing does.
I have some ideas percolatin "in my brain Nothing spectacular, but ideas.
I know one thing I want to try to change here … more pictures!
My Son the Architect
I am the mother of a passionate Lego, and I must confess that I encourage my son for the love of Legos. In spring 2007, I started a support group for its "addiction" because he wanted to socialize with others who share his passion. " I first brought to my community for other support groups and found that there were none. The only option I had was to start myself. I was relieved to discover that there were other mothers who had boys with the same interest. My club is exclusively for the house children and mothers I meet are home moms. These moms are women very cool, and we have just as much fun to talk like children building. Our club meets once a month at my church for an hour and a half, and I sell bricks and pieces of construction free. Children are also encouraged to bring their latest creations to the scoreboard. We often have snacks and there are still many social quality and fun. One might call it a Lego party months. Here is a link with ideas on how to start a club Lego.
There is also a camp Lego (yes, I said Lego camp) and he attended one last summer. It was a day camp who met for five days, and he loved every minute of it. Of course, he wants to return next summer.
It is very interesing raise a child who built for most of his free time. It is a daily wondered what comes with it. The Lego club has been beneficial for me too. It was heartening to meet other moms who know what it is like to have a bank spaceship with two inches in front of your face or hear the details of a Microcon VGP-4589 canon ion laser.